--- title: I was not editing my email. I was editing myself., Anu Bulusu description: For years I softened every message and apologised for existing in someone's inbox. What changed when I stopped. image: https://anubulusu.com/hubfs/art-over-apologizing-4.png --- [Skip to content](https://anubulusu.com/writing/over-apologizing#main) **Accumulate is out now.** [See the book](https://anubulusu.com/books/accumulate) - [Books](https://anubulusu.com/books) - [Writing](https://anubulusu.com/writing) - [Podcast](https://anubulusu.com/podcast) - [Speaking](https://anubulusu.com/speaking) - [About](https://anubulusu.com/about) - [Everything](https://anubulusu.com/everything) [Get the weekly](https://anubulusu.com/writing#signup-weekly) 1. [Home](https://anubulusu.com/) 2. [Writing](https://anubulusu.com/writing) 3. I was not editing my email. I was editing myself. # I was not editing my email. I was editing myself. Speaking up For years I softened every message and apologised for existing in someone's inbox. What changed when I stopped. ![](https://anubulusu.com/hs-fs/hubfs/anu-face.jpg?width=240&height=240&name=anu-face.jpg)**Anu Bulusu** 11 July 2025 2 min read ![](https://anubulusu.com/hs-fs/hubfs/art-over-apologizing-4.png?width=1200&height=1500&name=art-over-apologizing-4.png) **2 min read** In this piece [Share on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fanubulusu.com%2Fwriting%2Fover-apologizing) https://anubulusu.com/writing/over-apologizing Copy the link I wasn’t editing my email. I was editing myself. “Just checking in! 😊” “Whenever you have time! 🙏🏽” “Thanks so much!!” Ever sent an email like that… then hated yourself for it? Early in my career, I caught myself rewriting a perfectly fine email. I had written: “I need the report by Friday.” But then I “softened” it to: “Just checking in! Could you send the report whenever you have time? Thanks so much! 😊 For years, I did this dance. Softening every message, apologizing for existing in someone’s inbox, cushioning every request with unnecessary politeness. Meanwhile, my male colleagues sent: “Need the report by Friday.” No flourishes, no apologies. Just facts. And their emails got faster responses. What I wish I’d told 25-year-old me: Clear communication isn’t rude. It’s professional. Direct isn’t aggressive. It’s efficient. I stopped padding my emails years ago. Started sending clear, direct messages. The result? Exactly what you’d expect. No one thought I was “rude”. In fact, people respected the clarity. Work moved faster. When I mentor women now, I tell them: Write the dang email and skip the emoji audit. Your professionalism will speak for itself. What’s the last thing you sent in an email to sound “nicer”? Looking forward to your answer at connect@anubulusu.com! ![](https://anubulusu.com/hs-fs/hubfs/anu-face.jpg?width=240&height=240&name=anu-face.jpg) Written by ## Anu Bulusu Anu Bulusu is the author of Sticking On, Purpose Has A Pattern and Accumulate, and a co-founder of INRY and the founder of L5. She lives between Eden Prairie, Minnesota and Hyderabad, India. [About me](https://anubulusu.com/about)[The books](https://anubulusu.com/books) [← All pieces](https://anubulusu.com/writing) ## More pieces. Keep reading 1. ### [From imposter syndrome to absorber syndrome](https://anubulusu.com/writing/absorber-syndrome) A judge ruled that AI companies can buy a book, feed it to a model and profit from what they learned. What that does to the people behind the spark. AI 2. ### [Ambition, motherhood and real recognition](https://anubulusu.com/writing/ambition-motherhood-and-real-recognition) Love was the easy part. Getting a seat at the table took years. 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